I wish there was awards shows for regular people

Man, I would win every year, then, could say, well, I won best Administrator award, so, you need to pay me more money in order to bring in the additional sales/revenue for just having paid me to work in your place of business.  Not just one award show, but maybe like 15 different ones, such as; The janitors choice awards, the critical clients silver spoon award, and so on.  How awesome to have awards shows to enhance my status to others (well, obviously myself...but honestly, it was just an honor to be nominated)  the job I'm paid to do.  Think of the swag gifts!  Pens, pads of high end water marked paper, screen cleaners oh my!